Age affects everyone differently. Maybe you’re baby-faced and still get carded for R-rated movies at 27. Or maybe you were habitually put in charge of buying the booze in 8th grade because you could already grow a full beard at 13. We are all blessed in different...
I have a tendency to drunk-dial my local Chinese restaurant. I can’t help it: Booze makes me crave egg rolls and orange chicken every bit as much as it makes me crave deep and meaningful conversations with my cab driver. The first phenomenon, at least, can be explained...
There’s something undeniably Shakespearean about a hangover poop. It may not be a tragic love story between two people per se, but it’s undeniably harrowing, climactic and humorous, and its irreverence is open to myriad interpretations. For a more recent literary endorsement, Charles Bukowski dug them too...
We all know that smoking is bad (mmkay): Tobacco kills more than seven million people each year, and nearly 900,000 of those deaths are the result of non-smokers being exposed to secondhand smoke. But what you might not know is that some smokable tobacco products are (kinda,...
Each person who goes through the grieving process does so in their own unique way. Some may fill the void in their heart by filling the void in their stomach with comfort food. Others may turn to alcohol and/or drugs in a desperate attempt to forget their...
You might flush toilets with your feet and go loco on sanitiser after a lengthy journey on public transport, but did you know there’s a veritable petri dish of malevolent bacteria swimming in your very own pockets? Case in point: In a karmically appropriate cautionary tale, in 2012,...
We all do it. It’s the tried-and-true method for any man with anything less than a perfectly chiseled body and even an ounce of shame. For me, it’s my natural go-to any time I appear without a shirt in public — and also, come to think of it, when...
Premature “Happening, arriving, existing or performed before the proper, usual or intended time” — Merriam-Webster Ejaculation “The act or process of ejaculating, especially the discharge of semen by the male reproductive organs” — Dictionary.com Premature Ejaculation “The sad condition of a pathetic half-man who can never hope...
When I was just a young boy, I slammed my thumb in a car door. That fingernail proceeded to fall off about a week later, revealing a brain-like section of skin that both intrigued my boyish self and absolutely terrified every normal adult who had the misfortune...
Recently, the following came to our attention: “The clitoris keeps growing in size and power to the time a woman hits 32 years of age, where it quadrupled in size from puberty.” Which, naturally, raises the question: Does the same happen with our penises? That is, will...
Being a writer, I perform close to zero physical labour over the course of a workday, and yet, I’m utterly exhausted by the time I take my 50th step of the day out of the office, craving nothing more than to sink into my couch and let...
The bathroom is, when you think about it, a vile place: Since flushing the toilet launches aerosolised toilet funk into the air, virtually everything you touch could be coated with a fine mist of invisible poo particles. For that reason, washing your hands after peeing is an...
