Ah, Nuts: The Science of Getting Hit in the Balls

Dr. Muhammad Mirza, expert in all things testicle, walks us through the many symptoms of being hit in the nethers (and shows us how to stop the pain).


Anyone who’s experienced a swift hit to the nutsack knows just how painful that is, and has most definitely proceeded to ask (in a very high pitched voice), “Why must my testes be so tender?” We’ve felt your pain, so we sat down with Dr. Muhammad Mirza, founder of erectiledoctor.com, to break down why being smacked in the knackers hurts so damn much.

#1: The Agony
You can blame evolution for that sharp, crippling pain resulting from a strike to the yam bag. “We’ve developed defense mechanisms over time to protect our ability to reproduce — one of those mechanisms is pain,” Mirza explains. “After experiencing intense pain from being hit in the testicular area, we know not to let that happen again.” So before you go cursing the pain receptor party in your dumpling hammock, know that they’re just trying to remind you to remain fertile.

#2: The Nausea
Arguably the least fun part of getting whacked in the giggleberries is the nausea that hits in waves shortly after. Try to find solace in the fact that your body’s only trying to soothe your pain: “Certain nerves in the testicles produce feel-good chemicals [endorphins, to be exact] in the brain, but too much of these can cause nausea and vomiting,” Mirza says. In other words, to counteract the terrible sensation in your pant-plums, your brain releases a ton of its own natural painkillers. Unfortunately, these work by decreasing oxygen levels in the brain, and it releases them in such quantities that the end result is you feel like you’re going to spew. Stupid brain!

#3: The Belly Ache
Remember those pain receptors we mentioned earlier? You can thank them for the post-nut bash stomach cramps. It turns out, your belly and your love spuds share the same pain receptors, as that’s where your nards were initially formed before dropping into place during puberty.

#4: The Sweating
Any form of bodily trauma causes an increase in heart rate and overall body temperature, which is why you might start sweating like a dog after a good strike to the cajones, Mirza explains. This specific ordeal may seem especially sweat-inducing simply because it’s pretty high on the pain scale.

#5: The Recovery
While there’s no foolproof way to soothe a sore bobblesack, Mirza recommends “listening to your body and doing whatever lessens the pain, whether that be changing your posture, lying on the ground or crying.” Or, you could avoid the issue altogether by wearing a protective cup at all times. Hey, whatever it takes, right?