Dear whoever concocted food delivery and takeout: You are my God, my Lord and Savior. Your existence, whoever and wherever you may be, will live on forever in my deeply nourished heart. Seriously, now more than ever, being able to enjoy professionally made, healthy takeout meals from the...
Society, god and Garfield would have you believe that Monday is the worst day of the week. This is a lie. The worst day is — as you’ve always suspected — Tuesday. Monday gets a bad rap, since it marks the end of the weekend and a...
For the entirety of his eight years in the ROTC and Army, Charlie Jasper didn’t spend a single moment constrained by underwear. After all, he was a commando himself, and “any man who doesn’t go commando in the Army is insane — or Mormon,” he tells me. In...
“If you’re into running, then you have a sh***ing story,” Jessie, a 36-year-old playwright in L.A., tells me. As a marathon runner for the past six years, she definitely has a few tales. The worst occurred at a half-marathon at the Red Rocks outside of Santa Barbara,...
So you want to eat a little bit better, but refuse to subsist entirely on sad salads and depressing handfuls of mixed nuts? Good news: You can have the best of both worlds — that is, good health and good food — so long as you mind...
Your current definition of “self-massage” probably just refers to some half-hearted foam-rolling. Which is fair enough! Trying to recreate the spa experience of having another person, trained in the art of massage, working on parts of your back that you can’t even reach is almost pathetic to try...
About a year ago, I noticed a sizable, single-haired mole protruding from my lower back. Me being a hypochondriac, especially when it comes to skin-related ailments, I immediately made an appointment with my primary care physician — after having a routine panic attack, of course — who...
Mistook your monthly magazine for a pack of One Wipe Charlies and flushed it down the toilet? No worries, here’s the online version! In this edition: What I’ve Learned From Staring at the Sun (Don’t Try This at Home) Now You See the Sun — Now You...
Got stuck? No problem. Here’s the answers to this month’s puzzle:
Due to an unfortunate series of events you may have heard about, beaches and public pools are no longer advisable places to spend your summer. But if you have a bathtub, a strong imagination and some guidance from me, your reliable bath time adviser, you can easily...
It comes at night: That unique, slightly sweaty yet also somewhat dry sensation, and the discomfit that accompanies the feeling that your testicles have no true place on your body. Your brain, done with trying to make sense of where to put your junk after an hour...
Summer is supposed to be the best. Unlike winter, which is aggressively mad at you, summer thinks you’re great — it’s always down for a good time and loves hanging out with you. So when you’re depressed in the summer — because it’s summer — it’s particularly unbearable....
