Why are pizza boxes square if pizza is round? I don’t know, why does anything come in a square box? When have you ever ordered something that arrived in a container that was shaped perfectly to its contents? It just doesn’t happen. If I order sushi, it doesn’t...
When the quarantines were announced back in March and early April, the conventional wisdom suggested that limiting our interaction with the outside world would at the very least provide a first line of defense against the coronavirus for ourselves, our families and — in a macro sense...
There was, for a long time, something funny going on in the drawer where my underwear is stored. For as long as I can remember, new pairs just… appeared. One day there were 10 or so pairs of boxer briefs with loose waistbands and holes in the crotch, the...
First things first, while it might be tempting to just start cutting your own hair in quarantine — you’ve watched your barber do it for years, after all — that’s generally a terrible, awful, ill-advised idea (case in point). In fact, when I asked barber Asia J...
If the modern automobile had a status on Facebook, it would undoubtedly be “It’s complicated.” With their computer-controlled fuel-injection systems, continuously variable transmissions and three-phase four-pole AC induction motors, the days when every Tom, Dick or Harry could wrench on their ride seem long gone. So let...
As summer inches closer and temperatures climb, you might be inclined to make good use of your quarantined time by sunbathing in your backyard, on your balcony or even on your doorstep, if you absolutely must. It would be wise of you to put on sunscreen first,...
For 54 straight days, Colin O’Brady lived as an ascetic on the icy, impossibly white desert known as Antarctica. The endless, 24-hour sun blurred the edges of time, giving him a Sisiphean backdrop as he arose, trudged for 12 hours and then sat huddled in a tent,...
Sixty years ago, if you weren’t going to work in a suit, tie and perfectly clean shaven, then clearly, you were a hippie. In many offices these days, however, especially ones in creative fields, showing up in anything other than jeans, a T-shirt and a five o’clock...
Part of the reason our phones are so filthy is that we tend to bring them everywhere. Like, we’re probably scrolling in between wiping our butts. Unless we’re bringing our computers with us into the bathroom (seek help, if so), there’s a bit more of a barrier in place —...
The color red has long been associated with a range of intense emotions, foremost among them being anger — hence the phrase, “seeing red.” According to Phrase.org, it’s widely believed that “seeing red” originates from the sport of bull-fighting and the matador’s use of a red cape to...
The first quarantine grooming rule is this: If you want to bleach your hair, don’t. The second rule: If you want change your hair without it looking like a cry for help, go live on social media. Just ask Jake Faris, a Brooklyn man who was not going through a...
One of the extreme new realities of life under quarantine is the idea of (semi-)permanently working from home. For some of us, that transition’s been an easy one: Wake up, get dressed (maybe), work in the peace and comfort of a makeshift (or if you’re lucky, a...
