There’s no worse place on this planet to drive than Nebraska. I understand traffic in L.A. sucks and the subterranean streets of my hometown of Chicago are stressful, but driving through Nebraska is pure mental anguish. The road is so long and flat that it disappears into the...
It seems like absolutely nobody except your grandmother sends greeting cards anymore, which makes sense, because a text message is so much more immediate and (let’s be honest) way less hassle. So has the industry been weakened by lazy youth who don’t know how to lick an...
Kenton, a 38-year-old in Ontario, is a serial hands-down-the-pants guy. Whenever he’s relaxing on the couch or about to fall asleep, his hands are down his pants. He says he doesn’t remember when he started it, “but as far back as I can remember, I can clearly...
Getting older comes with some definite perks: Acne is (typically) a distant memory, your shoe size stops changing and, of course, you can get into R-rated movies. Heck, people even pay attention to you when you speak, lest they miss out on any of the wisdom you’ve...
Very few of us are getting enough vegetables. Only one in ten people regularly get their recommended daily dose, while the remaining nine of us vary: Some are trying our best, working in a side of broccoli whenever we can, while others are perfectly content with their vegetable-averse lifestyle....
Being hammered can make you suddenly find otherwise unremarkable people hot enough to sleep with, but less discussed is the fact that it also makes you suddenly find otherwise unremarkable goods and services desirable enough to drop good money on. I’m not just talking about the new...
Here’s a questionably sourced, yet oft-reported statistic: The average person will try upwards of 126 diets in their lifetime. 126!!! Whether or not you believe that stat, the point remains that we humans are constantly in a battle to get back to our fighting weight — and...
Everyone loves a good butt, and while, in my humble opinion, every butt deserves some respect and appreciation, humanity has, of course, formulated a simple trial to separate the best butts from the butt-pack: the Quarter Test. The test is simple: Bounce a quarter off of a...
Mistook your monthly magazine for a pack of One Wipe Charlies and flushed it down the toilet? No worries, here’s the online version! In this edition: Sing a Song of Pong How to Prepare Your Skin For a Crazy Temperature Jump Everything You Can’t Bring on an...
So you want to eat a little bit better, but refuse to subsist entirely on sad salads and depressing handfuls of mixed nuts? Good news: You can have the best of both worlds — that is, good health and good food — so long as you mind...
We’ve all boarded a plane optimistically, laptop in hand, determined to Get Lots Done. “When I disembark,” we think, “I’ll have written that novel / solved that problem / perfected that plan. It’s an office in the sky, and I’m a 21st-century, world-travelling badass, a jet-set go-getter.”...
Ah, to be a kid again: No worrying about things like taxes, or wrinkles, or whether you’ll have enough money to make rent (Owning a house? Please.) AND buy yourself dinner. Oh, and the other great thing about childhood? A mouth that doesn’t stink like a sewer....
