When you first walked into the bar, deficient in liquor, not one of the other patrons really caught your eye. But after inhaling a few large beers and a couple tequila shots, hey now, when did everyone *hick* become so dang good-looking? Hey! Hey, you! Can I...
We all have a few rogue body hairs that don’t abide by the rules: The random loner on top of the ear; the billowing straggler on your otherwise bare upper arm. They’re longer, coarser, curlier and usually darker than their neighboring fuzz, but what’s going on underneath...
We’ve all heard how dirty money can be, and I don’t mean that in either a legal payout kind of way or a “I’m pretty sure my retirement is being funded by blood diamonds” kind of way. No, I mean it in a “Who the heck touched...
Most of us guys care dearly about the delicate kielbasa between our legs, but apparently, many of us seldom perform the comprehensive cleaning it deserves (which might explain why five percent of men are still hosing down their junk with cologne). This, of course, is how we...
There’s no worse place on this planet to drive than Nebraska. I understand traffic in L.A. sucks and the subterranean streets of my hometown of Chicago are stressful, but driving through Nebraska is pure mental anguish. The road is so long and flat that it disappears into the...
It seems like absolutely nobody except your grandmother sends greeting cards anymore, which makes sense, because a text message is so much more immediate and (let’s be honest) way less hassle. So has the industry been weakened by lazy youth who don’t know how to lick an...
Kenton, a 38-year-old in Ontario, is a serial hands-down-the-pants guy. Whenever he’s relaxing on the couch or about to fall asleep, his hands are down his pants. He says he doesn’t remember when he started it, “but as far back as I can remember, I can clearly...
Getting older comes with some definite perks: Acne is (typically) a distant memory, your shoe size stops changing and, of course, you can get into R-rated movies. Heck, people even pay attention to you when you speak, lest they miss out on any of the wisdom you’ve...
Very few of us are getting enough vegetables. Only one in ten people regularly get their recommended daily dose, while the remaining nine of us vary: Some are trying our best, working in a side of broccoli whenever we can, while others are perfectly content with their vegetable-averse lifestyle....
Being hammered can make you suddenly find otherwise unremarkable people hot enough to sleep with, but less discussed is the fact that it also makes you suddenly find otherwise unremarkable goods and services desirable enough to drop good money on. I’m not just talking about the new...
Here’s a questionably sourced, yet oft-reported statistic: The average person will try upwards of 126 diets in their lifetime. 126!!! Whether or not you believe that stat, the point remains that we humans are constantly in a battle to get back to our fighting weight — and...
Everyone loves a good butt, and while, in my humble opinion, every butt deserves some respect and appreciation, humanity has, of course, formulated a simple trial to separate the best butts from the butt-pack: the Quarter Test. The test is simple: Bounce a quarter off of a...
