One of the perks of being in a relationship is always having someone around to rub sunscreen on your back. When you’re single, however — and if your friends, for whatever reason, refuse to lather up your hard-to-reach bits — you’re seemingly out of luck. Although you...
Despite people clamoring to buy the last 18-packs of double-ply toilet paper at the grocery store, the coronavirus really isn’t the butt apocalypse it might seem, since nothing gastrointestinal is among the primary symptoms. For some, the greater concern may be that quarantining prevents us from leaving the house much...
If your skin is pale, you’ve no doubt been tempted by the sweet, seductive allure of a “base tan.” As in, just go without sunscreen for an hour or so to get a little color, man — it’ll keep you from getting sunburned, and it’ll make your...
Deodorant is good stuff — it masks your natural stench with an exotic scent usually called something ultra-manly like STEEL JET or CONCRETE GUNBARREL. Indeed, if traditional deodorant ads are anything to go by, it makes you so irresistible that angels will willfully give up their haloes just...
Obviously, nobody likes being rejected. But are women better equipped to deal with it than men? Or more to the point, are men even able to admit that they’re being rejected, or do they think women are just a boombox serenade away from returning to them? According...
Poop: It’s the great equalizer. Whether you’re the CEO of your company or the intern, you can be sure of three things: death, taxes and the fact that everyone poops. The only real difference between us is when we poop, and for how long. Some folks poop...
When you really think about it, commuting is a recipe for disaster. You need to get to your soul-sucking job, or you already had an awful day at that soul-sucking job, so you hop into a metal box that can travel extremely fast, then maneuver it onto...
Update: Woohoo! Yay! Hell yeah! The World Health Organization has just now come out stating that, as far as they can tell, there’s no real evidence that our companion animals — dogs and cats, at least — can be infected by the new coronavirus, or COVID-19. Now,...
In January, researchers at the University College in London reported that watching a movie in theaters may be considered a light workout, suggesting that you actually miss out by watching entire movies in your bathroom, not in theaters. A workout from literally sitting on your butt? Fifty-one moviegoers were...
No one likes being controlled. Think back on your childhood: Parents telling you what to eat, what to say, who you could hang out with, where you could go. Remember what you did? Probably something along the lines of getting an eyebrow pierced and smoking cigarettes in...
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the sun can’t hurt you, especially on cloudy days. After all, how could you possibly get a sunburn when it’s overcast and cold out? The answer is, easily enough that you’d be smart to make putting on sunscreen part...
The first person I reached out to for this story was John Ratzenberger. Not because I thought he’d actually know the answer to my question, but because he’s played Toy Story’s Hamm for 25 years now, and I thought it’d be fun to talk to the guy. In my head, I...
