“Shut up.” “Please shut up.” “Shut your giant flapping mouth-hole before I blow my brains out all over this restaurant you waste of time and oxygen!” These, of course, are the things you want to say when you’re locked in a seemingly endless conversation with that annoying neighbor, that...
The psychological terror of a hangover at 32,000 feet is a singular form of torture. It’s bad enough that you’re literally trapped aboard a flying object weighing 175,000 pounds, with nowhere to go but a small bathroom that forces you to see your disgusting, sweaty face in...
I rode a camel once, but I didn’t think to suck on its nipples, too, so — like much of America — the taste of camel milk has so far eluded me. My curiosity is growing, though, as I’m seeing more and more stories about just how...
While I highly doubt the Founding Fathers could even have come close to fathoming the blasphemous creations modern restaurants have concocted, America was founded on the (bogus) belief that meat promotes good health and indicates economic success. So what better way to commemorate this indulgent sentiment than with a gargantuan...
Sex has the potential to be astonishingly dirty, and while I mean that figuratively, I also mean that quite literally. Look, fervently bumping bodies involves producing and swapping a hodgepodge of bodily fluids that inevitably linger around your nethers until the next shower. Which, for many, has...
There are times in life when everything else — meeting a deadline, running urgent errands, drinking 17 beers — takes precedence over eating the bologna sandwich you packed for lunch. But what happens to your insides when you deprive them of a meal? For starters, when you...
Dermatologists have told us time and time again that popping a pimple is just about the worst thing you can do. But when you have a colossal yellow honker growing from your forehead, something needs to be done, so I spoke with several skincare experts about their...
A recent Austrian study confirms the indelible belief that an apple a day keeps the doctor away — especially when you cram the whole freaking thing, core included, down your throat. The researchers estimate the average apple contains a whopping 100 million beneficial bacteria, which may help with digestive disorders,...
Somebody (surely, not you, as that would be impossible) passed some gas, and now everyone in the room is violently waving their hands in front of their noses in a desperate attempt to escape the noxious fumes. But does performing that metacarpal dance actually reduce your exposure...
If you pee in the pool, it’ll go blue! There’s a special dye in there, designed to detect urine, and it’ll billow around you in a big, embarrassing, pee cloud, and everyone will know you’ve done it, and you’ll be hounded out of town as a known...
The world is a cruel and unpredictable place, and while some dudes are lacking in the hair department, other people have more than they could ever need or want. Among the latter group are a subset of people who feel both ashamed of and burdened by the...
Most mostly-happy couples can agree that 99 percent of all arguments, frustrations and relationship hardships revolve around where and what you’re going to eat. According to a report in the New York Post, the average American couple spends 132 hours a year deciding what to eat, and “a...
