So you want to eat a little bit better, but refuse to subsist entirely on sad salads and depressing handfuls of mixed nuts? Good news: You can have the best of both worlds — that is, good health and good food — so long as you mind...
Imagine, if you will, that Jesus Christ returned to Earth and found himself in the same exact ethical conundrum as millions of Lent-practicing Americans will experience over the next few weeks: Is it okay to eat veggie burgers? Or should the Son of God hop on a...
As you brave the coronavirus pandemic by staying indoors, streaming endless videos and establishing a large depression in your couch, you might be daydreaming about relaxing outdoors, soaking up some sun and getting your bronze on. And while you might decide to do exactly that when your...
One of my favorite peeing-in-a-closet stories — and I’ve heard a lot, for journalistic research and because I went to college — doesn’t involve any pee at all. In the spring of 2004, a woman named Erica (she requested I withhold her last name) took her friend...
Despite people clamoring to buy the last 18-packs of double-ply toilet paper at the grocery store, the coronavirus really isn’t the butt apocalypse it might seem, since nothing gastrointestinal is among the primary symptoms. For some, the greater concern may be that quarantining prevents us from leaving the house much...
Deodorant is good stuff — it masks your natural stench with an exotic scent usually called something ultra-manly like STEEL JET or CONCRETE GUNBARREL. Indeed, if traditional deodorant ads are anything to go by, it makes you so irresistible that angels will willfully give up their haloes just...
Obviously, nobody likes being rejected. But are women better equipped to deal with it than men? Or more to the point, are men even able to admit that they’re being rejected, or do they think women are just a boombox serenade away from returning to them? According...
Poop: It’s the great equalizer. Whether you’re the CEO of your company or the intern, you can be sure of three things: death, taxes and the fact that everyone poops. The only real difference between us is when we poop, and for how long. Some folks poop...
When you really think about it, commuting is a recipe for disaster. You need to get to your soul-sucking job, or you already had an awful day at that soul-sucking job, so you hop into a metal box that can travel extremely fast, then maneuver it onto...
Update: Woohoo! Yay! Hell yeah! The World Health Organization has just now come out stating that, as far as they can tell, there’s no real evidence that our companion animals — dogs and cats, at least — can be infected by the new coronavirus, or COVID-19. Now,...
In January, researchers at the University College in London reported that watching a movie in theaters may be considered a light workout, suggesting that you actually miss out by watching entire movies in your bathroom, not in theaters. A workout from literally sitting on your butt? Fifty-one moviegoers were...
No one likes being controlled. Think back on your childhood: Parents telling you what to eat, what to say, who you could hang out with, where you could go. Remember what you did? Probably something along the lines of getting an eyebrow pierced and smoking cigarettes in...
