While I highly doubt the Founding Fathers could even have come close to fathoming the blasphemous creations modern restaurants have concocted, America was founded on the (bogus) belief that meat promotes good health and indicates economic success. So what better way to commemorate this indulgent sentiment than with a gargantuan...
Sex has the potential to be astonishingly dirty, and while I mean that figuratively, I also mean that quite literally. Look, fervently bumping bodies involves producing and swapping a hodgepodge of bodily fluids that inevitably linger around your nethers until the next shower. Which, for many, has...
There are times in life when everything else — meeting a deadline, running urgent errands, drinking 17 beers — takes precedence over eating the bologna sandwich you packed for lunch. But what happens to your insides when you deprive them of a meal? For starters, when you...
A recent Austrian study confirms the indelible belief that an apple a day keeps the doctor away — especially when you cram the whole freaking thing, core included, down your throat. The researchers estimate the average apple contains a whopping 100 million beneficial bacteria, which may help with digestive disorders,...
Somebody (surely, not you, as that would be impossible) passed some gas, and now everyone in the room is violently waving their hands in front of their noses in a desperate attempt to escape the noxious fumes. But does performing that metacarpal dance actually reduce your exposure...
If you pee in the pool, it’ll go blue! There’s a special dye in there, designed to detect urine, and it’ll billow around you in a big, embarrassing, pee cloud, and everyone will know you’ve done it, and you’ll be hounded out of town as a known...
The world is a cruel and unpredictable place, and while some dudes are lacking in the hair department, other people have more than they could ever need or want. Among the latter group are a subset of people who feel both ashamed of and burdened by the...
Most mostly-happy couples can agree that 99 percent of all arguments, frustrations and relationship hardships revolve around where and what you’re going to eat. According to a report in the New York Post, the average American couple spends 132 hours a year deciding what to eat, and “a...
We often assume that plastic surgery is a big deal, and sure, some procedures — liposuction, male breast reduction, etc. — involve intrusive operations and lengthy recovery times that require living as one gigantic bandage for weeks on end. But there are several minimally invasive plastic surgeries...
If children had their way, you’d be building blanket forts, scaling trees and playing something called Four Square with them for approximately 14 hours a day. As a grown adult with a desk job, however, it’s so logistically unrealistic that if we gave in, we’d all lose our...
Mistook your monthly magazine for a pack of One Wipe Charlies and flushed it down the toilet? No worries, here’s the online version! In this edition: What Snakes Have Taught Me About Squeezing the Most Out of Life How to Squeeze the Last Out of Summer How...
There are few moments when a man feels more like a man than when he removes a tight lid from a jar. There’s something fundamentally satisfying about that little “pop” sound, which lets us know that we’ve won — we’ve conquered that villainous jar and our heroic, manly strength...
