As I’m writing this, I’ve been in self-quarantine due to the COVID-19 pandemic for a few weeks. I am, of course, worried about getting the virus. Or maybe more so about it being dormant inside of me and passing it to someone else. But as I spend more...
Eric “Mean” Melin, Air Guitar World Champion, has been strumming make-believe strings for as long as he can remember. His earliest memory is set at a small family home in Eden Prairie, Minnesota, where he and his cousins donned KISS masks that they made with crayons and paper, assembled...
Occasionally, doing research for articles leads me to question some of my core beliefs. For example, I thought it was normal to use the same towel for days on end, and just the other day I learned my showering habits were all wrong. What else am I doing wrong?...
Because I’m not a parent, my general policy on parenting-related topics is that my opinion is worthless and that everything is probably a lot more challenging than it looks. I do have a seven-year-old niece who I wish was my child (if my sister is reading this: watch...
Imagine, if you will, that Jesus Christ returned to Earth and found himself in the same exact ethical conundrum as millions of Lent-practicing Americans will experience over the next few weeks: Is it okay to eat veggie burgers? Or should the Son of God hop on a...
One of my favorite peeing-in-a-closet stories — and I’ve heard a lot, for journalistic research and because I went to college — doesn’t involve any pee at all. In the spring of 2004, a woman named Erica (she requested I withhold her last name) took her friend...
Obviously, nobody likes being rejected. But are women better equipped to deal with it than men? Or more to the point, are men even able to admit that they’re being rejected, or do they think women are just a boombox serenade away from returning to them? According...
Being hammered can make you suddenly find otherwise unremarkable people hot enough to sleep with, but less discussed is the fact that it also makes you suddenly find otherwise unremarkable goods and services desirable enough to drop good money on. I’m not just talking about the new...
There are only four skywriters in the entire world, so if you want to send a message from heaven on Valentine’s Day, you’ll need to get on that soon. Maybe you’ve already determined that insanely expensive prix fixe menus, padded cards and a tennis bracelet won’t do...
There’s a text message on my phone that I’m terrified to answer. It seems innocuous, but it’s been sitting in my phone for two years. “Hey, man, you want to get a drink this week?” writes a guy I’ll call Sam. “It’s been a while!” Thing is,...
Alcohol truly is a magical substance: It’s the only depressant that can act like a stimulant; it’s been revered since its conception as nectar of the gods; one of the oldest distilled spirits is eau de vie, which translates to water of life; and of course, hard alcohols are called...
Ah, what a party the last few months have been. You had loads of vacation time for the holidays, saw a bunch of old friends and drank enough liquor to erase your memory of the whole shebang. Wait, how did it become January? Anyway, now that the...