I remember my first chip-filled sandwich like it was yesterday. My friend and I — both early adolescents — had just endured a routine, but strenuous water polo practice at our community pool. As we stepped out of the modest aquatic center, our hair still damp and...
Humans have been imagining words and phrases to categorize others by how they look since the advent of language itself. For men — and particularly fathers — two contemporary examples of this are ‘dad bod’ and the more recent interpretation of ‘father figure,’ both of which are...
Ever since I’ve started protesting, I’ve been coming in hot with my every interaction. Whether I’m going off about something someone said on the internet or fighting with my family about why people loot, I’ve been a bit much. Even with friends I agree with, since I started protesting,...
All those industrial-strength bleach-powered germ-fighting abandon-all-hope-ye-who-enter-here cleaners have been sold out for months now, and it will probably be awhile before you can reliably find your usual cleaning products every time you seek them. And that sad bottle of all-purpose cleaner looks about as effective as tossing a...
The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council (it’s a real thing!) estimates that the majority of hot dogs consumed by Americans each year are devoured between Memorial Day and Labor Day, with 7 billion hot dogs slithering their way through Americans’ digestive tracts. Some of these, inevitably, will be...
There are so many myths about beer, like that it’ll give you a beer belly or that it makes you have to pee more. Neither are inherently true! I’ve already debunked the beer belly thing, so now it’s time to address the latter. Beer makes you have to pee...
Going to the grocery is already a nerve-racking experience thanks to food (and other stuff) hoarding, and whatever food is left seems to be getting more expensive all the time. Clearly, the best solution is for everyone to start their own farms to create their own sustainable source...
Has your quarantine cuisine gotten a bit repetitive? Or is your pandemic pantry looking a little bare? Why not grab a can of cola, pop it open, take a moment to consider your options… then pour that cola directly into your next meal? The idea of cooking...
If it seems like mosquitoes are more attracted to you than others around you, it’s probably true. Some people are just juicer targets, and while there are plenty of theories as to why that is, most haven’t actually been tried and tested by scientists. Sadly, one of the few actual...
Sweaty as they may be, wearing a mask isn’t a problem. Disposable gloves are fine, too, if I’ve got them. I might even wear my sunglasses inside the grocery store, for added eye protection. But is all of that pointless if I run errands in my usual summer uniform of...
Here’s a situation every man will relate to, even if they don’t admit it: You just got home from a long day of work, during which your balls were cramped between your underwear and your thigh. You reach down to rearrange your fellows, maybe enthusiastically scratch that...
If you’re a man of a certain age, there may come a point in your life when it’s time to tap out of the procreation ring of fire. Maybe you have your hands full with a couple kids already. Maybe you’re of the one-and-done ilk, and wish...
