To my friends who ran the marathon—you know who you are; actually, everyone knows who you are thanks to the Mylar blanket you wore long after you were warm again—I’d like to say, “Congratulations!” Not that I need to say it again since I screamed it at...
Getting swoll. Doing work. Pumping iron. No matter what you call it, exercising can be tough on your body. There’s a certain degree of pain or discomfort while you’re working out, but the real burn is often felt in the days after your initial trip to the...
Idle hands may be the devil’s playground, but a layabout towel is a back-to-back Coachella weekend for bacteria. To prevent germs (and their sidekick, rank odors) from proliferating in the fibers of your monogrammed L.L.Bean, towels should be washed every few days, or as soon as they...
One of life’s cruel ironies is that the occasions when we most desperately want to wash our hands—e.g., after shaking hands with a runny-nosed colleague after a meeting—water and soap are nowhere to be found. Hand-sanitizing gel is sometimes offered as a substitute, but can you really...
Like an extra helping of pecan pie at Thanksgiving, the last hour at the pool or the latest installment of The Fast and the Furious franchise, we’ve all experienced too much of a good thing. After a gluttonous turn at the dessert table, you can sleep it...
Put down the margarita for one second, and listen. You need to eat something. No really—you’ve got work tomorrow, and we don’t want another “situation.” And don’t just put another taco, burrito or quesadilla in your mouth because, let’s face it, you probably had some combination of those...
We’ve all got baggage, some more damaging than others. Sometimes your baggage remains hidden to the outside world, known only to your therapist or failed romantic conquests. Other times, you wear it right on your face. Dark bags or circles under your eyes can make you look...
Sometimes the smell from your trip to the toilet is so terrible that it could be used as a weapon of mass destruction. Unfortunately, other than changing your diet—e.g., decreasing the amount of meat in your diet—there’s not much you can do about the odor of your...
You can’t throw a rock lately without hitting a restaurant that hasn’t jazz-handed its menu with a massaged kale salad or shaved Brussels sprouts with squeezed lemon and pecorino cheese. That shit is everywhere. Not that kale and Brussels sprouts don’t taste great. They do, but they’re...
Your testicles house the equipment that allows you to procreate and retain your masculine characteristics through the production of testosterone. But instead of getting the credit they deserve, they always seem to take a backseat to your hot-dogging penis. They’re like the offensive line of your anatomy—doing...
While launching into an off-key rendition of the Pointer Sisters’ classic “I’m So Excited” isn’t the reaction most of us have after drinking too much coffee, maxing out on caffeine can cause plenty of negative side effects—trouble sleeping, anxiety, upset stomach and the frequent need to pee...
It’s St. Patrick’s Day weekend. The bar you’re in has 30 beers on tap, yet you’ve only heard of one of them. You order it while your friend gets some German-style something-or-other that supposedly “pairs well with jackfruit.” Worst of all, you feel the fear creep in...