10 Quotes To Get You Through Another Christmas Season

Writers, actors and comedians share their take on the wintertime holidays.


Christmas comes but once a year, but boy does it leave its mark. Whether you’re excited about the gifts, the food and the time with family or dreading the expense, the music and, well, the time with family, there’s something for everyone in our mixed bag of festive quotes below.

“That’s the true spirit of Christmas: People being helped by people other than me.” —Jerry Seinfeld

“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.” —Joan Rivers

“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” —Bob Phillips

“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons—they couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” —Jay Leno

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” —Andy Borowitz

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” —Shirley Temple

“The two most joyous times of the year are Christmas and the end of school.” —Alice Cooper

“Santa Claus has the right idea—visit people only once a year.” —Victor Borge

“Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.”  —Richard Lamm

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” —Phyllis Diller