No Pants, No Problem!
As summer rolls on and the heat makes being neck-deep in water the only sensible option, here’s a guide to matching your swimwear to your body type.
Choosing swim shorts can be a weird experience. Are they covering too much? Are they not covering nearly enough? Is this eggplant print maybe not entirely suitable for a family pool party? To help you navigate this moist minefield, here’s some expert advice on choosing the right fit for you.
The Skinny on Skimpy
Eyeing the classic swim team-style briefs? Per stylist Todd Hanshaw, these traditionally look best if you’re built like a swimmer or a runner (i.e., slender but ripped). But honestly — and this goes for all the entries here — if you feel good in them, wear them, whatever your body type. You be you!
Buff Enough
If you’re super muscular, Hanshaw advises going with square-cut trunk briefs that cut straight across at the bottom, since bikini briefs can tend to look a bit awkward on such a big body (unless you’re going for that “got lost on the way to the body-building competition” look, in which case, good luck to you).
A Nod to the Dad Bod
“When you’re carrying around a little extra weight, you tend to have better legs,” says Hanshaw, who suggests showing them off by wearing swim shorts, i.e., shorts the same length as the gym shorts you wore in middle school (unless, of course, they cause you to flash back to traumatic dodgeball memories). Seriously though, don’t be shy, show off that thigh!
Or if There’s More…
If you’re a bigger dude, Hanshaw says to just go with something a bit longer so that it doesn’t look small on you. Go with mid-length shorts for maximum comfort — a little more than halfway down your thigh, but still well above your knees (knee-length and below is deeply unflattering on pretty much everyone). And if you’re tempted to leave your shirt on, ditch the baggy old t-shirt and go with something that looks like it’s designed for the water, like a rash guard or dedicated swim shirt — you’ll look and feel much more put together.
Pop Quiz!
There’s plenty of places you don’t need a swimsuit at all, but which state has the highest number of (often unofficial) clothing optional beaches?
A: California
B: Massachusetts
C: Florida
D: South Dakota
Why Do I Get Acne on My Chest and Back?
It’s all about your body’s oil-producing glands. Your body houses a number of pilosebaceous units, which are structures that contain a sebaceous oil gland and a hair follicle. When these get inflamed, most likely due to bacterial growth, you get a pimple. The places you have the highest numbers of these units — face, chest and upper back — are the places you’re most likely to get pimples. As for why they’re where they are, one theory is that, because these structures sprout hair and produce sebum (aka oil) — both of which the body uses to protect and hydrate the skin — it figures they’d be in places most susceptible to sunburn. Still, we have t-shirts now, body, so can you please stop??
Oh FAQ: Why Can’t I Wax off My Beard?
1. Because it would hurt! “Sure, people wax hair off their face all the time — eyebrow hair, upper lip hair, etc.,” says dermatologist Anthony Rossi. “However, it may be very painful to wax beard hair.”
2. That’s because beard hairs are terminal hairs, unlike, say, the peach fuzz on your ears, which is made up of lighter vellus hairs. Terminal hairs are rooted deep in the dermis (the second layer of skin), and waxing them could potentially lead to scarring. Don’t do it!
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Quiz Answer
A
California wins with 17 coastal beaches where going au naturel is tolerated. Florida boasts 8 while Massachusetts has 5 and landlocked South Dakota has 0, obviously. Special shout-out to Maine for having the most memorable nude swimming spot: The incredibly named Frenchman’s Hole in Newry. Look, we’re only human, okay?