Your sperm wasn’t built for this world, its lifespan mostly cut short by the elements. And even if it does make its way inside of a woman’s body to make that long and arduous journey, it’s still only got around a one in 200 million shot at...
There’s something undeniably Shakespearean about a hangover poop. It may not be a tragic love story between two people per se, but it’s undeniably harrowing, climactic and humorous, and its irreverence is open to myriad interpretations. For a more recent literary endorsement, Charles Bukowski dug them too...
It’s 4 a.m. You’re hunched over your desk. You’re bleary-eyed. And your legs are shaking. No, you’re not a reclusive genius trying to unlock the mathematical formula for cold fusion: You’re just an average student begging your brain to memorize the quadratic formula so you can achieve...
If you’ve ever wondered how to last longer during sex, you’ve probably come up with myriad different tricks for keeping the flood from drowning your chances at another date. On the more-involved-than-thinking-about-baseball side, there’s the old masturbating before you have sex trick; the start-stop method; and more...
Amongst surfers, it’s common knowledge that you should stay clear of the ocean after a storm. Why? Because after it rains, the ocean is a supercharged cesspool of sludge. “The coastal waters are polluted with urban runoff and sewage from leaking waterlogged sewer pipes. In most places,...
There are too many mouth-breathers in this world, and not nearly enough butt-breathers. That’s according to a recent report from Science Alert announcing that the Mary River turtle — aka, the first and only punk turtle who also breathes out of its butt — is now officially endangered. “The 40-centimeter-long water...
There are countless playlists, videos and articles dedicated to listing all the songs meant to supercharge your boning experience. And it’s nearly impossible to imagine a sex scene (be it in porn, a movie or your own bedroom) that isn’t accompanied by some sort of musical composition. It’s...
For politicians, rolling up their sleeves is a way of signifying they’re a relatable, hardworking Average Joe. For magicians, it’s to show there are no rabbits tucked therein. For everyone else — including magicians and politicians, presumably — it’s all about trying to stay cool (and maybe also to look hot)....
You go to the beach happy. You soak up some sun. You jump in the water. You have a couple of drinks. It’s maybe the least effort you can put into anything ever. But by the time you get home, you feel as though you’ve spent the...
Chances are, amid the furious chomping of your third or fourth hotdog this past holiday weekend, you stopped to consider just how bad those offal-balloons were for your intestines. Because didn’t you hear that red meat — especially encased meat — gets lodged in your colon for years and years? Isn’t...
You need water to live. And if you’re hung over, you also need it to drown the demons that are assaulting your brain with spiky noisemakers. It’s the latter occasion on which you’re most likely to stand naked in front of your fridge, chugging water like a...
If God created man in his own image, then that means God may need a bath. That’s according to a study reported by the BBC last month, which states that more than half of the human body is made up of microscopic colonists and not, y’know — human stuff....