Trust me, I understand your situation more than most. It’s not that you just want that big, impractical item in your home: You need it. For me, it’s the full cabinet of the classic arcade game Turtles in Time, which I have moved to a half-dozen different...
“The fewer trips to and fro the better,” answers Frank. “I’d say it’s stubbornness,” says G.J. “It’s a ‘macho’ thing,” adds Carlton. “Mostly, I think it’s laziness,” admits Douglas. “Because we can,” boasts Eian. These are just some of the replies I got when I surveyed a...
You know that guy — that one friend of yours who doesn’t quite seem to grasp just how strong he is. Whether it’s a finger-bruising handshake or an enthusiastic hug that almost puts you through the ceiling fan, he just doesn’t seem to understand his own strength the way...
Rodney Hahn may be 58 years old, but it’s a pretty safe bet that if you’re reading this, he could destroy you in pull-ups. In 2015, Hahn smashed a Guiness World Record for the number of pull-ups completed in 24 hours by doing 5,337 of them. His...
About a week ago, as I went to feed my 10-year-old pet turtle Grover a bunch of dried turtle pellets, I looked deep into his eyes and wondered: “Does he even know who I am?” “Does he trust me?” Or even, dare I ask, “Does he love...
“Wallet, phone, keys.” This is what I say to myself every day before leaving my house. The first two have their designated spots: The wallet goes in the front left pants pocket, phone goes in the front right, but the keys screw me up. Usually they go...
IT’S OVER! Screw everyone, I’m taking time for myself! I’m going to LIVE! ….I’m lonely and I need a hug. SCREW THAT! I’m wild and free and single and I’m going to have sex with all the things! …..I miss spooning while watching three seasons of The Great...
Like pretty much all men, I hate going to the doctor. The only time in recent memory that I’ve made an exception to my medical professional-avoidance policy is when I got poison ivy on my penis (don’t ask) and I went to urgent care immediately. Outside of...
Ah, the screw up in your friend group. You know the one: The one guy who manages to be notably more of a screw up than the rest of you. Perhaps he can’t keep a job, or still lives with his parents in the exact same room as he...
Oh crap. Literally. You were on the toilet, coincidentally reading about how disgusting our phones are, when you got to the part where a guy contracted ebola from a stolen cell phone. You were so shocked that you dropped the phone and heard that dreaded “plunk” sound:...
Heat sucks. Not only is it sticky, sweaty and uncomfortable, but heat sucks so much that studies have linked it to increased stress and paranoid thoughts, not to mention violent crimes including assault, rioting, spousal abuse and even murder. Iowa State University psychology professor Craig A. Anderson...
In a phrase widely attributed to Albert Einstein, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. (He never actually said this and it’s also not true anyway, but moving on). Point is, when it comes to working out,...