Some say having soft skin is a sign of emasculated weakness. And to those people, I say: Put on some freaking moisturizer! Your skin looks like a piece of beef jerky old enough to have watched the dinosaurs eat a giant asteroid. I admit, I may have...
You would think washing the dishes counts as washing your hands — dish soap is usually stronger than hand soap, and you might well be giving each individual finger a proper exfoliation with that skillful maneuvering of the sponge. On the other hand, so to speak, you...
Once we finish bringing the groceries inside — in one single, strenuous trip, of course — most of us have something of a system in place when it comes to stocking the fridge. Fruits and veggies go inside the bottom crisper drawers, cheeses and deli meats go...
Farts are like snowflakes (I am not on drugs, I promise) — no two are the same. Some are thunderous, some are silent, some smell like nothing and some smell like grandparent foot. How each individual fart smells might seem random (especially during those nerve-racking moments after...
I know, onions are rarely the highlight of a dish (onion rings, excluded). But they still find their way into or onto most everything in one way or another. Onions come in many shapes and sizes, though, and assuming you want to incorporate the healthiest of the...
While I highly doubt the Founding Fathers could even have come close to fathoming the blasphemous creations modern restaurants have concocted, America was founded on the (bogus) belief that meat promotes good health and indicates economic success. So what better way to commemorate this indulgent sentiment than with a gargantuan...
Sex has the potential to be astonishingly dirty, and while I mean that figuratively, I also mean that quite literally. Look, fervently bumping bodies involves producing and swapping a hodgepodge of bodily fluids that inevitably linger around your nethers until the next shower. Which, for many, has...
There are times in life when everything else — meeting a deadline, running urgent errands, drinking 17 beers — takes precedence over eating the bologna sandwich you packed for lunch. But what happens to your insides when you deprive them of a meal? For starters, when you...
A recent Austrian study confirms the indelible belief that an apple a day keeps the doctor away — especially when you cram the whole freaking thing, core included, down your throat. The researchers estimate the average apple contains a whopping 100 million beneficial bacteria, which may help with digestive disorders,...
Somebody (surely, not you, as that would be impossible) passed some gas, and now everyone in the room is violently waving their hands in front of their noses in a desperate attempt to escape the noxious fumes. But does performing that metacarpal dance actually reduce your exposure...
The world is a cruel and unpredictable place, and while some dudes are lacking in the hair department, other people have more than they could ever need or want. Among the latter group are a subset of people who feel both ashamed of and burdened by the...
I know, binge-watching weird YouTube videos and eating chips until three in the morning is extremely important. But now you have to deal with the consequences, and those consequences come in the form of deep bags under your eyes. The good news is, in most cases, both...