When it comes to washing the clothes in my closet, not all textiles are created equal. At the top of the heap, of course, are my dress clothes, neatly hung, dry-cleaned exactly to their label’s specifications and ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice —...
It’s been said that, if you shake it more than three times, you’re playing with it, and under normal circumstances, that’d probably be true (not that there’s anything wrong with masturbation, it’s perfectly healthy). But when it comes to giving yourself a ball check — excuse me,...
Let’s run down the list of cliched experiences that make us, as humans, feel physically good, shall we? There’s massages — check. There’s also, well, sex. Masturbation, too, for that matter. A nice, long stretch feels pretty damn nice, and heck, even a solid hug does the...
Some of you may hate it, and some of you may rejoice at the news, but it’s happening all the same: Summer is ending. For many across the country, the changing seasons spell shorter days and rapidly dropping temperatures. But that doesn’t mean summer can’t rear it’s...
When you’re a parent, September means one thing: Back to school. Under normal circumstances, those three words would typically be cause for celebration (relatively speaking — we know you love your kids) after a summer of pool parties, playdates and endless video games. Sadly, however, these are...
Imagine, for a second, that you’re holding bags of groceries (or anything, really) in both hands, minding your own business, when all of a sudden a feeling hits you like a freight train right there on the tippy tip tip of your nose: A brain-melting, all-consuming, inexplicable...
Basically, no matter where you are in the continental United States at this very moment, it is likely very, very hot. They don’t call them the dog days of summer for nothing. Despite that very real, very sticky fact, we can all be thankful that a whopping...
When it comes to our current lives in isolation, many of us have settled into a nice (relatively speaking) routine: Stick around the house all day 24/7, and then venture out once a week maybe to go to the supermarket. Ahh yes, the supermarket. The one place...
Is there a more perfect supporting actor in the culinary world than bread? I think you’d be hard-pressed to name a better dining accoutrement. It’s the backstop for the perfect BLT. It’s the bed for your pepperoni-and-sausage pizza. It sops. It mops. It’s good with butter, it’s...
There are a number of bodily functions that are so “always on” in the background that, unless you’re actively thinking about them, you probably wouldn’t even know they’re happening: Your heart beats, your lungs breathe, and if you’re a man, your balls itch. I mean, c’mon guys,...
It’s pretty funny to think about how, a month ago, we were acting like it was only a matter of time until we were all back in the gym. Yeah, there would be some restrictions — social distancing, masks, staggered entry to reduce crowding — but it sure seemed...
Honestly, folks, is there a part of the human body that drives people — particularly those of us age 35 and over — more insane than hair? Think about it: Our hair basically holds us hostage for the first halves of our lives with its “Will it,...