I have a friend whose now-ex-boyfriend had an elaborate ritual he performed after taking a dump. She affectionately referred to it as “a** rag.” He kept a bag under the sink with a special washcloth in it. After wiping with toilet paper, he’d take out the rag,...
The term “silent treatment,” chillingly, comes from 19th-century prison reform. Instead of physical punishment or grueling work, which was believed to do nothing to truly alter the character of the criminal, prisoners would no longer be allowed to speak to each other and rarely be spoken to. They’d be...
Summer is supposed to be the best. Unlike winter, which is aggressively mad at you, summer thinks you’re great — it’s always down for a good time and loves hanging out with you. So when you’re depressed in the summer — because it’s summer — it’s particularly unbearable....
Being hammered can make you suddenly find otherwise unremarkable people hot enough to sleep with, but less discussed is the fact that it also makes you suddenly find otherwise unremarkable goods and services desirable enough to drop good money on. I’m not just talking about the new...
As someone raised in the South by poor rural farm women, I can’t remember a single situation where I wasn’t warned in advance not to embarrass the heck out of my elders by being an unkempt, ill-mannered garbage child. Every Christmas growing up, my mother forced us...
Winter is upon us, and that means one thing: an influx of socializing opportunities that you can screw up by taking someone you’re dating, and then proceeding to ditch them for three hours while you talk it up with all your pals, get hammered, and ignore them....
Given that the whole point of the alarm clock is to wake you up, it’s a marvel that it somehow strengthened the product’s appeal when someone added a button that allows you to delay that process by several increments of nine minutes until there’s no point in...
Women have historically gotten the short end of the fertility stick. It’s not just that we’ve mostly assumed that they’re to blame for any and all pregnancy roadblocks — even though men are responsible for a third of cases and another third is some combination of factors...
We need not debate a couple of universal pizza truths: That pizza is both vital and inevitable, and that pizza is among the most nutritionally maligned foods on earth. Understandably then, man has made valiant efforts to hack pizza, to whittle it down to some pizza-like formation that...
If children had their way, you’d be building blanket forts, scaling trees and playing something called Four Square with them for approximately 14 hours a day. As a grown adult with a desk job, however, it’s so logistically unrealistic that if we gave in, we’d all lose our...
Many have discussed at length the reasons men stay eerily quiet during sex (they’re embarrassed and/or deeply repressed) and the reasons why women sound eerily loud during sex (to make you get off faster and/or because they’re taught to be pornily performative). What’s less discussed is why some people...
Recently, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez did a little bartending to raise awareness for upping the federal minimum wage — still $2.13 an hour, unchanged since 1991 — for tipped workers. A former bartender herself, she slung drinks and slices of pizza at a New York restaurant to point out the...