"Hi Hungry, I'm Dad:" All Our Worst Dad Jokes

Happy Father’s Day, everybody.


Dad jokes: They are, as we are all only too painfully aware, a real thing. Why dads feel the need to drop terrible puns is a mystery for the ages, but in honor of all those dads out there still chuckling at their own genius (“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi hungry, I’m dad!”) here’s our tribute to the dad jokes we grew up with here at Dollar Shave Club:

“My father and I took annual trips to Lake Cachuma with a small group from my elementary school. Every time one of the kids said, ‘Cachuma,’ my dad would respond with a hearty, ‘Bless you.’” — Ian L.

“I once asked my Dad where my sunglasses were. He said, ‘I don’t know, where are my dad glasses?’ He also always used to order a pizza by saying, ‘I would like to order a 747: You know, a large plain.’” — Brian S.

“My dad would ask, ‘How many leaves do you think are on that tree?’ I’d say I didn’t know, and he’d say, ‘All of them.’” — Whitney B.

“Every single birthday growing up in England, my grandad gave me six pounds (the equivalent of around ten bucks). And every single time, he’d tell me that the envelope contained an ill octopus. Why? Because inside was—drum roll please—six quid. EVERY. SINGLE. BIRTHDAY.” — Nick L.

“Any time you’d ask my dad where he was going, he’d say, ‘Crazy, wanna come?’” — Serena G.

“Every fart my uncle would rip in front of us would be followed by, ‘Geez, must be some barking spiders outside!’” — Darren M.

“My family was eating breakfast and my brother asked everyone at the table, ‘What’s up?’ My Dad responded, ‘I was, but your mother took care of that.’ My brother and I got up and left.” — Alexandra B.

“Whenever I would say I wish I was taller, my dad would say, ‘You aren’t that short, your feet touch the ground.’” — Alex J.

“Through my teenage years, my dad firmly believed that he coined the phrase, ‘That’s what she said’ and used it around all of my friends all the time. Once I graduated college, we finally convinced him that there’s no way he came up with that, so he switched it to, ‘She said that.’” — Kayla E.

“Every time I go to New York City with my dad, he points at the Empire State Building and loudly complains that there is no monkey on it, like in King Kong. The building is really quite visible from many parts of the city, and he points it out each and every time.” — Logan S.

Now you’ve felt our pain, share yours! What terrible dad jokes did you experience growing up?