How to Turn Your Crummy Bathtub Into a Relaxing Summertime Retreat

Pools and beaches are cool, but so is drinking 16 beers, undisturbed, while completely naked in your own home.


Are you unable to get to a beach or pool this summer? Fear not: If you have a bathtub, with a strong imagination and some guidance from me, your reliable bath time adviser, you can easily create a relaxing, aquatic summertime retreat in the comfort of your own home (as an added bonus, there will be no lifeguards around to stop you from slamming some beers). Come along as we transform your bathtub, in a short series of steps, from grungy and depressing to glamorous and soothing (and bring that rubber ducky with you).

Step #1: Clean the Dang Tub
I know, cleaning might not feel so relaxing — although if it does, good for you — but cleanliness is next to godliness, as they say, which roughly translates to, “Bro, you need to clean your stained, mildewy bathtub before you soak your sorrows away.” Seriously, though, your tub is gross, but it should be a relatively simple clean job with the help of a bristled brush and either dish soap or a measured combination of baking soda, white vinegar and water.

Step #2: Give Yourself a Quick Rinse
Soaking in your own toe jam is far from chill, bro, so do yourself a favor by at least quickly rinsing your feet, if not your entire body, in the shower before lounging in the tub. Just trust me on this one.

Step #3: Pull up a Chair
If you have a bathtub tray, great. But if not, just about any chair should suffice as a stand for your computer, speaker, book, candles, incense and/or assortment of snacks and beverages. Make sure to also keep a clean hand towel nearby, so you can dry off your hands whenever necessary without having to get out of the tub. Now is also a good time to toss another towel in the dryer, so you can bundle up and get all cozy whenever you decide to get out.

Step #4: Ready Your Food and Drink
The classic shower (and bath) beer, the more recently popularized shower (and bath) orange — whatever you have a hankering for, get it prepared and put it on the chair you just set out (or better yet, ready yourself an icebox full of goodies). If you need ideas on what to grub on while soaking, check out our guide to the best bath snacks (yes, we really wrote that). But if you want a sneak peek without having to click, Home Chef research and development lead Dave Padilla suggested, “I think a tropical fruit salad would really give you those vacation vibes, so you can pretend that your bathtub overlooks an exotic waterfall somewhere in the South Pacific. Worst case scenario: If it falls in the tub, you have a luxurious skin treatment.” Speaking of which… 

Step #5: Boost That Bath
You can always use bath bombs and bubbles to increase the soothing effect of your tub time, but you can also use stuff you have lying around your home, like a scoop of pain-relieving epsom salt, a dash of — but not too much! — moisturizing coconut oil or even a couple bags of therapeutic green tea. Just resist the urge to take a sip.

Now who needs the beach when you have all that?