Scientifically speaking, you’re more likely to sit on your balls in the summer than, say, in the winter. That’s because, as MEL’s Miles Klee has already noted, along with the phenomenon of summer penis, summer balls hang lower than their winter equivalent because they’re trying to stay chill. “The scrotum hangs away from the body in the first place because the human body temperature of 98.6ºF is a bit too warm for sperm production (that’s why nuking your nards with a laptop can impact your fertility), and thermoregulation of the testicular complex depends on the action of the cremaster muscle, which retracts the boys in cold situations and relaxes them in hot weather,” he writes.
Hence saggy summer bean bags making it more likely that you’ll sit on your balls, per one redditor’s rare experience: “On a hot humid day, they hang lower, low enough to occasionally find their way behind a thigh. Tighter pants usually don’t help, especially changing positions like leaning back. A full sit on a ball is pretty rare though,” he writes.
Rare as it may be for said redditor, it’s not so rare for other men with bigger balls and danglier scrotums, and who are unlucky enough to experience the 15 to 20 seconds of agony that comes with putting the entirety of their body weight on their most delicate bigger-than-average dumplings. “I do this so often I just did it. You know where you go to sit down somewhere and you just plop yourself down and bam you land with your weight on your sac,” writes one guy in the Bodybuilding.com forum.
Still, accidentally sitting on your balls is one thing, but sitting in general — something that most men are doing right now as they reads these words — is something else entirely. Does the most common (and my personal favorite) body contortion actually put itchy and scratchy at greater risk than standing?
According to board-certified urologist Jamin Brahmbhatt, sitting “too much” isn’t directly related to the act of sitting per se, but rather the issue of inactivity — that is, it’s not the position, it’s the inertia. “Inactivity puts you at risk for weight gain and obesity, and therefore, those problems can cause issues with decreased fertility and testosterone,” says Brahmbhatt.
Brahmbhatt tells me that if you’re active — in other words, if you’re not just sitting all day and all night — letting your balls rest (i.e. sleeping) is actually good for your giblets. “The only rest that helps your testicle is sleep!” Brahmbhatt explains. So there you have it, sitter with testicles: The seated position is fine just as long as you do a couple of jumping jacks in between sits.
Your personality, though? That’s a whole different story.