If we’re being completely honest, it’s not exactly uncommon for a man who’s been soaking in a warm tub for a while to end up playing with, well, something more than his rubber ducky. But a recent survey we conducted, asking men what they like to do in the bath besides washing, found that very few men were willing to admit to this.
Now, it is not a shocking fact that any survey involving masturbation—even surveys of the more rigorous scientific kind—generally finds dudes underreporting stuff like this. But still: The fact that only six percent of the men we spoke to said they ever do this seems…unlikely.
So what do men say they do in the bath (on the rare occasion they take one)? A whole lot of stuff, apparently: 38 percent of them listen to music, 27 percent choose to just sit and think, while 16 percent use the time to plan out their day. 13 percent read, 10 percent sing to themselves and 7 percent call or text friends (we can’t help wondering if this is the exact same 7 percent of men who told us they like to make phone calls while pooping). Another 30 percent shave in the bath, which definitely makes more sense to us than the 2 percent who said they trim their toe and fingernails in there. Are they just sitting there, surrounded by little bits of soggy, floating toenail? We have so many questions.
As for that so-called 6 percent, a write-in answer from one guy possibly explains the low response to that question. “I cannot believe that ‘masturbate’ is an option!” he told us. “This survey is opening the eyes of a wife who is now questioning her husband’s bath tub routine.” We’re really, really sorry about that.