There are a lot of elements of life where we all know what we’re meant to do, and that we aren’t going to do it. There are bad habits we know we need to cut down on and good habits we assure ourselves we’ll get around to...
Mistook your monthly magazine for a pack of One Wipe Charlies and flushed it down the toilet? No worries, here’s the online version! In this edition: The Nudist’s Guide to Being Comfortable in Your Own Skin Why is Sensitive Skin So Damn Sensitive? Should I Be Moisturizing...
If you’ve dared to venture out of quarantine long enough to go to the supermarket or — eek! — made your way through a half-empty airport in these dark and trying times, no doubt you’ve seen someone wearing a mask. No, not those types of masks —...
One of my favorite peeing-in-a-closet stories — and I’ve heard a lot, for journalistic research and because I went to college — doesn’t involve any pee at all. In the spring of 2004, a woman named Erica (she requested I withhold her last name) took her friend...
Despite people clamoring to buy the last 18-packs of double-ply toilet paper at the grocery store, the coronavirus really isn’t the butt apocalypse it might seem, since nothing gastrointestinal is among the primary symptoms. For some, the greater concern may be that quarantining prevents us from leaving the house much...
Deodorant is good stuff — it masks your natural stench with an exotic scent usually called something ultra-manly like STEEL JET or CONCRETE GUNBARREL. Indeed, if traditional deodorant ads are anything to go by, it makes you so irresistible that angels will willfully give up their haloes just...
Poop: It’s the great equalizer. Whether you’re the CEO of your company or the intern, you can be sure of three things: death, taxes and the fact that everyone poops. The only real difference between us is when we poop, and for how long. Some folks poop...
In January, researchers at the University College in London reported that watching a movie in theaters may be considered a light workout, suggesting that you actually miss out by watching entire movies in your bathroom, not in theaters. A workout from literally sitting on your butt? Fifty-one moviegoers were...
No one likes being controlled. Think back on your childhood: Parents telling you what to eat, what to say, who you could hang out with, where you could go. Remember what you did? Probably something along the lines of getting an eyebrow pierced and smoking cigarettes in...
There’s at least one good reason men should floss, but most dentists are too cowardly to share it: healthy boners. Poor dental hygiene is strongly associated with erectile dysfunction, or ED, so if the bad breath doesn’t disappoint in the bedroom, your penis might. Men in their...
When you actually think about it, having to pee sucks. You enjoy a refreshing beverage, then some time later — almost always at the most inconvenient moment — your pee area starts feeling like a bloated pufferfish until you make your way to the restroom and, sighing with...
Nearly 500 years before Jesus Christ walked the earth (and/or water), the Ancient Greek pre-Socratic philosopher, Democritus of Abdera, was considered the first noted example of the limits of human longevity. Which is to say, based on at least one historical account, Democritus was the first recorded centenarian. Back then, of course —...