We’ve all experienced the agony of holding in a ripe poop. Maybe you’re on a date and you’re afraid of the monster broiling within; maybe you’re driving in the middle of the desert and even if you wanted to stop and poop, the only napkins you have...
There you are, in an important business meeting with even more important people. The chatter is constructive, so your boss decides to extend things. Everyone agrees, and the meeting proceeds without a time limit. But then you feel the urge, one that begins slowly in your stomach...
You haven’t felt true cold until you sit on the toilet when it’s dropped below freezing outside. But surely, human ingenuity can outwit a chilly piece of porcelain? We went searching far and wide for a solution to this glacial problem. Here are the options we uncovered:...
Let’s say, in a completely, totally, absolutely made-up hypothetical, a man who recently began working from home has taken to working atop his bed, because he lives in a small apartment and his partner takes a lot of very important calls. Let’s also assume that this man, thanks...
My girlfriend and I started celebrating Takeout Fridays during quarantine, an attempt at supporting small businesses and keeping morale high. But despite looking forward to takeout all week, every week, when Friday finally comes around, our minds go blank. There are too many good options, and landing on just one, no matter...
Has your quarantine cuisine gotten a bit repetitive? Or is your pandemic pantry looking a little bare? Why not grab a can of cola, pop it open, take a moment to consider your options… then pour that cola directly into your next meal? The idea of cooking...
Much like how a certain lemon-lime soda from a certain fast food joint (you know the one) is on another level, a carbonated God among the very same lemon-lime soda served at other establishments, air conditioners in hotel rooms are transcendental, capable of discharging an interminable barrage...
On a recent Sunday, the 17th of May, 2020, one of the greatest fights in internet history turned 12 years old. It started with an innocent question on bodybuilding.com about how many days a week you can safely work out. It concluded in an absolute bloodbath between two...
Kenton, a 38-year-old in Ontario, is a serial hands-down-the-pants guy. Whenever he’s relaxing on the couch or about to fall asleep, his hands are down his pants. He says he doesn’t remember when he started it, “but as far back as I can remember, I can clearly...
Everyone loves a good butt, and while, in my humble opinion, every butt deserves some respect and appreciation, humanity has, of course, formulated a simple trial to separate the best butts from the butt-pack: the Quarter Test. The test is simple: Bounce a quarter off of a...
It Could Happen To You: You’re at some nice hotel you wouldn’t ordinarily drop the cash for, and in order to fully milk the experience, you know you’ve gotta be fully nude, in bed, with a tray of chicken tenders. You don’t want to stank up the...
Parking tickets, at times, can feel inescapable. You study the signs for hours, confident about leaving your car while grabbing a quick coffee and still end up acquiring a pricey slip of paper that demands you eat unboiled noodles for the remainder of the month to avoid going broke. There has long been...
