Hey, you big drunk dummy. Are you reading this after your eighth post-midnight tequila shot, wondering by what grace of God you’ll be able to sober up enough to make it to your 4 a.m. flight in one piece? Well, I’ve got some bad news, my sweet blackout buddy: You’re...
Having a behemoth beard is cool until you realize just how much debris it collects: According to a recent-ish report, beards amass more germs than dog fur, which is astonishing when you consider their penchant for rolling around in all kinds of gunk. This bacteria comes from...
In a perfect world, everyone would just split the check evenly and be done with it. After all, we’ve all eaten our dinner and now it’s time to get out of there, so why belabor the process? But the world isn’t perfect, and in this imperfect world...
Beans, beans, the musical fruit! The more you eat, the more you… evolve into the pinnacle of human existence? This insight is according to Dana Hunnes, senior dietitian at the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center, who waxed poetic about beans and legumes during this recent ranking of meat alternatives. “These, of...
Anyone with even the slightest sense of decency would surely never intend to nosh while situated on the toilet (well, 91 percent of you, anyway). But there are times in life when bathroom dining could conceivably happen — say, you need to rush out the door or...
Once we finish bringing the groceries inside — in one single, strenuous trip, of course — most of us have something of a system in place when it comes to stocking the fridge. Fruits and veggies go inside the bottom crisper drawers, cheeses and deli meats go...
If you’re the sort of person who defines their life based on making the correct ordering decision at a restaurant, you’re not alone. I agree with you — few things are worse than spending your hard-earned cash on a mediocre restaurant experience, which is why when I’m...
Farts are like snowflakes (I am not on drugs, I promise) — no two are the same. Some are thunderous, some are silent, some smell like nothing and some smell like grandparent foot. How each individual fart smells might seem random (especially during those nerve-racking moments after...
I know, onions are rarely the highlight of a dish (onion rings, excluded). But they still find their way into or onto most everything in one way or another. Onions come in many shapes and sizes, though, and assuming you want to incorporate the healthiest of the...
We need not debate a couple of universal pizza truths: That pizza is both vital and inevitable, and that pizza is among the most nutritionally maligned foods on earth. Understandably then, man has made valiant efforts to hack pizza, to whittle it down to some pizza-like formation that...
The psychological terror of a hangover at 32,000 feet is a singular form of torture. It’s bad enough that you’re literally trapped aboard a flying object weighing 175,000 pounds, with nowhere to go but a small bathroom that forces you to see your disgusting, sweaty face in...
I rode a camel once, but I didn’t think to suck on its nipples, too, so — like much of America — the taste of camel milk has so far eluded me. My curiosity is growing, though, as I’m seeing more and more stories about just how...