As I’m writing this, I’ve been in self-quarantine due to the COVID-19 pandemic for a few weeks. I am, of course, worried about getting the virus. Or maybe more so about it being dormant inside of me and passing it to someone else. But as I spend more...
As you surely already know by now, bad, bad things are happening around the world, and therefore, just about everyone has been commanded to stay home until further notice. As expected, while many of us understand and respect the need to sequester ourselves right now, adjusting to...
There is endless medical misinformation being dispensed in this pandemic moment. “Don’t take ibuprofen” or “hold your breath for 10 seconds to see if you have the coronavirus” or “drink some colloidal silver” are just a few among them (with potentially even worse suggestions coming from even more dubious...
Obviously, you can just straighten out the bag and pour those remaining chip fragments into your mouth. Wasting food is terrible anyway, and that’s only become more true now that we’re trying to minimize our trips to the grocery store by making the most of our stashes...
Welp, you put it off as long as possible — and went through quite a few matchbooks in the process — but the very apparent stench creeping out of the bathroom yet again this morning means it’s highly unlikely you can hide one unassailable truth from your...
Seeing as a fever is one of the principal coronavirus symptoms, repeatedly touching your forehead (which, stop) and prodding your tongue with a thermometer while pleading to some higher being for that sweet, sweet 98 degrees Fahrenheit is all the rage right now — as is sprinting away from anyone who mentions they...
So you want to eat a little bit better, but refuse to subsist entirely on sad salads and depressing handfuls of mixed nuts? Good news: You can have the best of both worlds — that is, good health and good food — so long as you mind...
Spending a good chunk of money on a mattress is obviously a wise investment. You spend a third of your life asleep, or if you’re like me, more than half of your life at least reclined on a mattress. As with cars, toilet paper and cuts of meat,...
I love a good bagel, but no other food-ordering experience rouses a sense of undecided hysteria quite like choosing which one I want cradling my dollop of cream cheese. The options are endless: I could go with something savory, like an onion bagel. Or maybe something sweet,...
When I was just a young boy, I slammed my thumb in a car door. That fingernail proceeded to fall off about a week later, revealing a brain-like section of skin that both intrigued my boyish self and absolutely terrified every normal adult who had the misfortune...
A clean, freshly made bed is a glorious sight. “Sleep in me,” it says. “Crawl into me, forget all your worries and sleep the sleep of a champion. Dream the pleasant dreams of the stress-free, and awake refreshed and invigorated for a day of splendidness.” It’s like Pennywise inviting...
There’s a lot that we as human beings can put up with: Single-ply toilet paper (when you can find it); cable company activation fees; and, as it turns out, being cooped up in our homes for weeks on end — just to name a few. We can...
