Despite people clamoring to buy the last 18-packs of double-ply toilet paper at the grocery store, the coronavirus really isn’t the butt apocalypse it might seem, since nothing gastrointestinal is among the primary symptoms. For some, the greater concern may be that quarantining prevents us from leaving the house much...
The first person I reached out to for this story was John Ratzenberger. Not because I thought he’d actually know the answer to my question, but because he’s played Toy Story’s Hamm for 25 years now, and I thought it’d be fun to talk to the guy. In my head, I...
Many of us assume that our showers are, well, always clean — they get sprayed down with a concoction of soap and water every day or so, after all. Sadly, though, our soapy runoff does virtually as little for the cleanliness of our showers as it does...
I’ve never been to a crime scene, but on the morning after I finally got over the flu that kept me in the fetal position for nearly four days, my apartment looked like the sort of environment that requires a hazmat suit. There were crinkled up napkins...
There are only four skywriters in the entire world, so if you want to send a message from heaven on Valentine’s Day, you’ll need to get on that soon. Maybe you’ve already determined that insanely expensive prix fixe menus, padded cards and a tennis bracelet won’t do...
Few things are more frustrating than looking forward to a warm, relaxing shower after a long day, and instead having to endure an oscillating stream of scalding and glacial water because something to do with the temperature is all messed up. But before you go tearing your...
Typically, when you’re in your twenties and even your early thirties, financial security often means putting one foot in front of the other money-wise, stringing enough cash together to occasionally go out for dinner, have a drink (or drinks) with friends or take a once-yearly vacation —...
A tiny, portable television was one of the most invaluable items in my home growing up. It was ancient and useless — at best, it might pick up portions of a mattress commercial once every few months. The rest of the time, the shoebox-sized device blared “snow,”...
Every winter I trot out giant sheets of plastic and tape them over my windows in a futile attempt to insulate myself from the frozen hellscape outside. And every winter, the absolute misery of this project feels less and less worth it. Working from home in a rickety...
I’d argue that the primary purpose of having your own place is to be nude (and free) whenever you want. I know that taking off my clothes is the very first thing I do when I arrive home from work — before checking whether my living room windows, which...
Frequent shavers — especially those who share a bathroom with other frequent shavers — are no strangers to clogged pipes and slow-draining sinks. That daily barrage of thick whiskers and sticky lather might block even the widest of pipes given enough time, but you don’t have to...
When you’re gifted a pair of socks from your grandma, dress shirts from your partner and maybe a sweater or two from your niece this holiday season, take the dang hint. It’s time to update your dated wardrobe and retire your 2012 basic button-downs. But wait a...