Every winter I trot out giant sheets of plastic and tape them over my windows in a futile attempt to insulate myself from the frozen hellscape outside. And every winter, the absolute misery of this project feels less and less worth it. Working from home in a rickety...
I’d argue that the primary purpose of having your own place is to be nude (and free) whenever you want. I know that taking off my clothes is the very first thing I do when I arrive home from work — before checking whether my living room windows, which...
When you’re gifted a pair of socks from your grandma, dress shirts from your partner and maybe a sweater or two from your niece this holiday season, take the dang hint. It’s time to update your dated wardrobe and retire your 2012 basic button-downs. But wait a...
If you’re anything like me, you have a lot of friends who like to drink. Maybe they’re whiskey people, gin people or anything-I-can-get-my-hands-on people, but every year you know you can wipe out half your holiday shopping list by a trip to the liquor store. And that’s...
It can be painfully obvious, at times, when another human hates the gifts you gave them. But when you drop a brand new chew toy in front of your beloved pet and they immediately rip the thing to shreds, it can be difficult to tell whether they...
The idea that Santa, a man with a bulbous belly full of milk and cookies, can slide down a chimney might seem preposterous to the average human. But to a contortionist, even the tightest of squeezes is a mere challenge. To show you just how incredible Santa...
So you went a little overboard with your Christmas tree last year, huh? You were feeling extra festive, and you bought the tallest, most cumbersome pine that your local dealer had to offer. Somehow, one of the employees managed to strap it to the top of your...
Every holiday season, there’s an endless stream of unsolicited advice about how to play nice with family you’d otherwise pretend didn’t exist. And while some of it is useful — especially this — I prefer to look to the stars on how best to navigate the Christmas dinner...
You spent last Christmas lodging with family, gobbling their ham and guzzling their beer, so it makes sense that you felt compelled to return the favor this year. Now, these relatives — whether your own or ones you acquired upon marriage — are nice and all, but...
Holiday season, apart from probably being the only time you’ll drink copious amounts of spiked eggnog, is inevitably the time you’ll be forced to hang out with family members you’ve spent the majority of your life trying to avoid. Maybe it’s the uncle who assumes the role...
As someone raised in the South by poor rural farm women, I can’t remember a single situation where I wasn’t warned in advance not to embarrass the heck out of my elders by being an unkempt, ill-mannered garbage child. Every Christmas growing up, my mother forced us...
Having to crash with in-laws (or anyone else) over the holidays can put just about anyone on edge. Besides them being at least some kind of crazy, the nagging feeling that you could be overstaying your welcome, draining their fridge or just plain getting in the way...
