A clean, freshly made bed is a glorious sight. “Sleep in me,” it says. “Crawl into me, forget all your worries and sleep the sleep of a champion. Dream the pleasant dreams of the stress-free, and awake refreshed and invigorated for a day of splendidness.” It’s like Pennywise inviting...
There aren’t many mathematically perfect things in the universe: platonic solids; the numbers 6, 28, 496 and 8,128 (and by extension, June 28th); and now a simple cup of espresso. Yes, indeed! Rest easy, java junkies, for a bunch of math, physics and materials experts from the U.S., U.K., Ireland, Australia...
So you’ve got a ripped $20 bill. Didn’t your parents ever teach you to respect property? This is why we can’t have nice things. Except, guess what: A ripped $20 is still $20 — so long as you have more than 50 percent of the bill. Otherwise,...
Got stuck? No problem. Here are the answers to this month’s puzzles: ROMPECABEZA UNO: 1. Angora 2. Gigolo 3. Closet 4. Frosty 5. Woeful 6. Prefer 7. Solemn 8. Talent 9. Bishop 10. Cashew Mystery keyword: GOOSEFLESH ROMPECABEZA DOS:
Imagine, if you will, that Jesus Christ returned to Earth and found himself in the same exact ethical conundrum as millions of Lent-practicing Americans will experience over the next few weeks: Is it okay to eat veggie burgers? Or should the Son of God hop on a...
Despite people clamoring to buy the last 18-packs of double-ply toilet paper at the grocery store, the coronavirus really isn’t the butt apocalypse it might seem, since nothing gastrointestinal is among the primary symptoms. For some, the greater concern may be that quarantining prevents us from leaving the house much...
Deodorant is good stuff — it masks your natural stench with an exotic scent usually called something ultra-manly like STEEL JET or CONCRETE GUNBARREL. Indeed, if traditional deodorant ads are anything to go by, it makes you so irresistible that angels will willfully give up their haloes just...
Poop: It’s the great equalizer. Whether you’re the CEO of your company or the intern, you can be sure of three things: death, taxes and the fact that everyone poops. The only real difference between us is when we poop, and for how long. Some folks poop...
If the modern automobile had a status on Facebook, it would undoubtedly be “It’s complicated.” With their computer-controlled fuel-injection systems, continuously variable transmissions and three-phase four-pole AC induction motors, the days when every Tom, Dick or Harry could wrench on their ride seem long gone. So let...
If the modern automobile had a status on Facebook, it would undoubtedly be “It’s complicated.” With their computer-controlled fuel-injection systems, continuously variable transmissions and three-phase four-pole AC induction motors, the days when every Tom, Dick or Harry could wrench on their ride seem long gone. So let...
There’s no worse place on this planet to drive than Nebraska. I understand traffic in L.A. sucks and the subterranean streets of my hometown of Chicago are stressful, but driving through Nebraska is pure mental anguish. The road is so long and flat that it disappears into the...
Kenton, a 38-year-old in Ontario, is a serial hands-down-the-pants guy. Whenever he’s relaxing on the couch or about to fall asleep, his hands are down his pants. He says he doesn’t remember when he started it, “but as far back as I can remember, I can clearly...