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Timewasters

MEL for DSC Magazine, June 2020 Rompecabeza Answer

Got stuck? No problem. Here’s the answers to this month’s puzzle:

It comes at night: That unique, slightly sweaty yet also somewhat dry sensation, and the discomfit that accompanies the feeling that your testicles have no true place on your body. Your brain, done with trying to make sense of where to put your junk after an hour...

Summer is supposed to be the best. Unlike winter, which is aggressively mad at you, summer thinks you’re great — it’s always down for a good time and loves hanging out with you. So when you’re depressed in the summer — because it’s summer — it’s particularly unbearable....

My boyfriend’s job requires him to look clean-cut. Naturally, now that he’s among those furloughed during quarantine, he’s letting his freak flag fly and attempting to grow a mustache. Thing is, he’s never really done so before, and it turns out, he’s not very good at it, either. Not...

Actually, 2020’s not doing that headline any favors, is it? Because now that we’re deep into quarantine, a sunburn on this Memorial Day is far from inevitable, unless you’ve got a wide-open back yard or a rooftop deck. But if we weren’t on self-isolation red alert —...

You might be thinking, “Hey, I’m not living in one of those historic colonial towns where everyone pretends it’s 1790 for educational purposes, so why the heck do I still use a cutting board made of wood?” I mean, it is 2020. We have made material advancements. But...

You may not have noticed your own bad breath until now, when you’re trapping your nostrils behind those face masks we’re all supposed to wear. Has your breath always been this bad? Probably, at least some of the time. Has anyone noticed? Again, probably. But the thing is, now, you’re the...

You just got off: Congratulations! I hope it was a good one. But now that you’ve used your ejaculatory burst, you’ve entered the subsequent post-ejaculation holding pattern more commonly known as the refractory period. For some guys, this is a place in time when you may start crying....

One of the few bright spots of being in isolation this long has gotta be watching regular people suddenly discover that the thing they’ve been using one way can, in quarantine, be used in a completely different way than originally intended. Video chat is a perfect example...

“Welcome to the Den of Horrors.” Leslie Knope, the go-getting super-administrator in the peppy sitcom Parks and Recreation is telling it like it is to a group of costumed children at the Parks Department Halloween party. “Where’s all the scary stuff?” asks one of the kids, perplexed. “The scary...

Why are pizza boxes square if pizza is round? I don’t know, why does anything come in a square box? When have you ever ordered something that arrived in a container that was shaped perfectly to its contents? It just doesn’t happen. If I order sushi, it doesn’t...

There was, for a long time, something funny going on in the drawer where my underwear is stored. For as long as I can remember, new pairs just… appeared. One day there were 10 or so pairs of boxer briefs with loose waistbands and holes in the crotch, the...

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MEL for DSC Magazine, June 2020 Rompecabeza Answer

Where the Heck Are You Supposed to Put Your Balls When You Sleep?

What to Do When You’ve Got a Case of the Summertime Sads

Why Isn’t All the Hair on My Body the Same Color as the Hair on My Head?

Everything You Need to Know About Your Skin Before Your Inevitable Memorial Day Sunburn

Does It Matter What My Cutting Board Is Made out Of?

Noticing Your Bad Breath While Wearing a Mask? You’re Not Alone

Does Your Refractory Period Grow Longer as You Grow Older?

If You’ve Got a Stairwell at Home, You’ve Got a Gym

Your Midlife Crisis Doesn’t Have to Be an Embarrassing Disaster

If Pizzas Are Round, Why Are Pizza Boxes Square?

When Should I Replace My Old Underwear With a New Pair?