On a recent trip to the doctor’s office, I was brutally reminded of where I stand in my girlfriend’s life. The moment — which hit me like a middle-of-the-night spider bite that you don’t feel until the morning — occurred when the doctor’s secretary asked her who...
Parenting a pet, no matter what kind, can be a frustrating and bewildering experience. Animals can’t tell you what they want and need (directly, at least), so we’re here to help you answer any questions you have about your favorite companion — whether they be furry, slimy,...
It’s coming. Of course it’s coming — it’s bound to, eventually. There have been 13 recessions since the Great Depression 90 years ago, but since the last recession utterly transformed our economy, upended a lot of lives and laid waste to pretty much all of our retirement...
That little image of myself in the corner of my video calls is enough to make me never want to reach out to my loved ones again. No offense to Shrek, but I look like an ogre, and not even a hot one like Fiona. My face...
Anyone who’s unintentionally carried a normal-sized tube of toothpaste through TSA, only to be treated like an international drug smuggler, knows that airplanes have strange and ambiguous rules when it comes to what you can — and categorically cannot — bring on them. Your average traveler abides...
I have, to my knowledge, made at least two people so upset that I’ve reduced them to tears in the workplace. The first of these occasions was when I was working for a property maintenance organization, and my boss ordered me to tell this guy with whom...
Call me conventional, but I prefer to have three regular meals a day. I mean, I guess I can see why someone might feel inclined to consume all of their daily calories at once — finding the time and motivation to eat three times a day can be a challenge sometimes....
Mistook your monthly magazine for a pack of One Wipe Charlies and flushed it down the toilet? No worries, here’s the online version! In this edition: The Competitive Eater’s Guide to Thanksgiving How Much Food Makes a Good Base for Booze? How to Make It to the...
My vision has gotten rapidly worse over the last few years, and my optometrists have told me that basically, it’s because I’m on my phone all the time (not to mention I spend an average of eight hours a day in front of my computer for work)....
Hey, you big drunk dummy. Are you reading this after your eighth post-midnight tequila shot, wondering by what grace of God you’ll be able to sober up enough to make it to your 4 a.m. flight in one piece? Well, I’ve got some bad news, my sweet blackout buddy: You’re...
In a perfect world, everyone would just split the check evenly and be done with it. After all, we’ve all eaten our dinner and now it’s time to get out of there, so why belabor the process? But the world isn’t perfect, and in this imperfect world...
A lot of people can apparently take this in stride; my own girlfriend claims to “love” the heat, which is unfortunate given that I want to commiserate with someone over how miserable being hot is. All my life, I’ve felt like I “run hot.” Growing up in...
