About a year ago, a guy I dated for only a few months popped the question: “Where is all my toilet paper going?” Annoyed by the prospect of having to explain to a 37-year-old man why women wipe after they pee, I answered, “I’ve been eating it.”...
So you wanna go to the beach during COVID-19. Cool, great, seems like it should be fine. Unless, of course, you live somewhere like L.A., where you were previously only allowed to go to the beach so long as you want to park your car, walk straight into the ocean and walk...
Got stuck? No problem. Here’s the answers to this month’s puzzle:
Dogs, they love scratching at the door, apparently pleading to go outside so they can use the bathroom. They also love doing everything except using the bathroom after you painstakingly dislodge yourself from the couch, leash them up and take them for their seventh freaking walk of the day. Fortunately,...
There are a million reasons to ride your bike: Enhanced cardiovascular fitness; improved muscle strength and flexibility; increased joint mobility; reduced stress levels; upgraded posture and coordination; reinforced bones; decreased body fat levels; prevention (or management) of disease as well as reduced anxiety and depression. It’s also...
Over the past decade or so, I’ve gradually come to accept that my hairline is receding. I mean, I don’t know if acceptance is the right way to phrase it, but I’ve neither plummeted into a deep depression nor treated it, so I guess I’ve accepted it on some...
Few things strike fear into my heart like a bathroom without a loud-ass fan. You know the kind I’m talking about — it’s not even clear if they’re actually circulating the air, but they sound like someone’s riding a dirtbike in the ceiling and that’s what counts. I...
Even without alcohol, I have to pee all the time. As I’ve said before, I pee probably once an hour. Being well-hydrated isn’t a crime! Anyway, imagine my horror to hear that a 40-year-old man in Zhejiang, China, was recently hospitalized when, after drinking 10 beers and passing out for...
Theme park characters, sports mascots, medical professionals, furries, high school theater kids and children on Halloween all provide solid evidence that CO2 poisoning doesn’t happen from wearing a mask. Yet some of the COVID-19 conspiracy theorists are refusing to wear masks in public because of their completely unfounded belief that mask-related...
Exercise isn’t just about health. As much as we’re all aware of the endless health benefits of being in good shape, anyone who claims it isn’t at least slightly about trying to look better is lying. Maybe, you think, I’ll be incredibly sexy after this. It’s a shame, then, that those...
I’ve always thought that the crisper drawers in refrigerators just existed for organizational purposes. Not once did I stop to ask myself why they were called “crisper” drawers — that’s someone else’s business. But apparently, they’re not just drawers. Or at least, they’re hypothetically not just drawers. As the name suggests,...
Many apartment hoppers, accustomed to ancient appliances and sputtering sinks, can only dream of someday having a dishwasher. When that day comes, they hope, life will finally feel comfortable. In the time they’d normally spend scrubbing plates and soaking utensils, they can instead read a book, water a plant or whatever else people...
