“Nunchuck skills… bow-hunting skills… computer hacking skills… Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.” Such is the wisdom of Napoleon Dynamite, all-time champion of all high-school nerds, and who, if he were a real-life person who’d graduated in the mid-2000s, would surely by now have mastered...
A comedy staple like slipping on a banana peel or getting a pie in the face, the old plumber’s crack image is something that seems to have been around forever. Yet, over the past week I’ve been scouring the internet for plumber’s butt cracks — digging deep,...
Thousands of years ago, ancient Babylonian fighters — the toughest, most tenacious dudes around — prepared for lethal combat by manicuring and coloring their nails with black or green kohl. But somewhere along the line, humans decided that painted nails should be reserved only for women, and...
For the past week, I’ve kept a comb in my front left pocket, and I’m here to report that it will remain there long after this article disappears into the black void of online content. The poetry of the pocket comb begins with the way it neatly...
There are few moments when a man feels more like a man than when he removes a tight lid from a jar. There’s something fundamentally satisfying about that little “pop” sound, which lets us know that we’ve won — we’ve conquered that villainous jar and our heroic, manly strength...
In Elizabethan England, a time when ruffs were hot and Shakespeare was composing an endless string of dirty jokes, dudes worshipped makeup, caking their faces with pearl-white powder to make themselves the height of style. And although 400 years have passed since this heyday of male makeup,...
Ah. So you’ve reached that point in your life where you suddenly need to develop a genuine and abiding appreciation of classical music? Either you need to impress someone (a sophisticated hot person, a Wagner-obsessed boss, your local cultural elite), you’ve reached the age of 55, or...
In an ideal world, college will open your mind to many wonderful, disparate things, but the thing that’ll stick with you longest, in all likelihood, is being able to shotgun a beer. A chugging technique especially common within fraternity housing (and quite possibly Florida), it essentially allows...
Guys aren’t born with an instinctive knowledge of how to look the way they want to look. We don’t exit the womb with manscaping and moisturizing best practices etched in our brains — it’s something that’s (hopefully) picked up over time, from parents, from peers, even from...
I have Austin Powers teeth. Starman-era David Bowie teeth. They’re snaggly and yellow, and when I smile, I look like a Dickensian dog. It’s not necessary for me to speak: If you saw them, you’d immediately know I was British, while wondering what it’s like to carry...
In gyms the world over, no body part inspires quite as much hushed awe as the coveted six-pack. In the modern male beauty stakes, sporting a rippling midriff is the closest men can come to physical perfection. And yet, six-pack envy — this fixation with what are...
Bruh. I give up, breh. I’m telling you, brah, I endeavored to find a pattern: I wanted so badly to uncover the blueprint or even the architect behind the “Bro,” “Bruh,” “Breh,” “Brah” and “Bruv” complex. Which bros used which version, and where, and why. I believed...