As someone who falls asleep while scrolling through Twitter only to start off the next morning the exact same way, it didn’t take long after the coronavirus pandemic hit to overdose on bad news and spiral my way into a 40-minute sit-down shower. Twitter, Facebook, conversations with each friend group on Zoom — everywhere I...
Being stuck at home for weeks on end can be hard on just about any relationship, romantic or otherwise. Combine that constant exasperation with the stress we’re all experiencing nowadays, and you may find yourself in constant disagreement with your quarantine partner, actively searching for a way...
You just got off: Congratulations! I hope it was a good one. But now that you’ve used your ejaculatory burst, you’ve entered the subsequent post-ejaculation holding pattern more commonly known as the refractory period. For some guys, this is a place in time when you may start crying....
One of the extreme new realities of life under quarantine is the idea of (semi-)permanently working from home. For some of us, that transition’s been an easy one: Wake up, get dressed (maybe), work in the peace and comfort of a makeshift (or if you’re lucky, a...
Thank God for next-day shipping. I get paid on Thursdays and my wife’s birthday was this past Friday — I’d planned to head out to the mall on Thursday and get some new sneakers that she was excited about. I’d had this figured out for weeks, but I...
Welp, you put it off as long as possible — and went through quite a few matchbooks in the process — but the very apparent stench creeping out of the bathroom yet again this morning means it’s highly unlikely you can hide one unassailable truth from your...
Because I’m not a parent, my general policy on parenting-related topics is that my opinion is worthless and that everything is probably a lot more challenging than it looks. I do have a seven-year-old niece who I wish was my child (if my sister is reading this: watch...
Obviously, nobody likes being rejected. But are women better equipped to deal with it than men? Or more to the point, are men even able to admit that they’re being rejected, or do they think women are just a boombox serenade away from returning to them? According...
There’s at least one good reason men should floss, but most dentists are too cowardly to share it: healthy boners. Poor dental hygiene is strongly associated with erectile dysfunction, or ED, so if the bad breath doesn’t disappoint in the bedroom, your penis might. Men in their...
When you first walked into the bar, deficient in liquor, not one of the other patrons really caught your eye. But after inhaling a few large beers and a couple tequila shots, hey now, when did everyone *hick* become so dang good-looking? Hey! Hey, you! Can I...
Ah, Valentine’s Day — that holiday dedicated to love, appreciation and panicking while trying to find your partner a gift that symbolized the entirety of your relationships so they still love you come February 15th. Seriously, though, I have, like, no money and need to come up...
There are only four skywriters in the entire world, so if you want to send a message from heaven on Valentine’s Day, you’ll need to get on that soon. Maybe you’ve already determined that insanely expensive prix fixe menus, padded cards and a tennis bracelet won’t do...