The male orgasm is, to use the most clichéd metaphor in the book, a rollercoaster ride. Not because it involves a thrilling series of ups and downs, but because once it’s done, you can’t just stay in your seat for another go — you have to head...
I can’t imagine not coming home for Christmas, if only because it’s also my niece’s birthday and I love my mommy. But not everyone feels the warm fuzzies for their family members, and even if they do, that $1,000 roundtrip plane ticket home can really test the...
If you’re anything like me, you have a lot of friends who like to drink. Maybe they’re whiskey people, gin people or anything-I-can-get-my-hands-on people, but every year you know you can wipe out half your holiday shopping list by a trip to the liquor store. And that’s...
It can be painfully obvious, at times, when another human hates the gifts you gave them. But when you drop a brand new chew toy in front of your beloved pet and they immediately rip the thing to shreds, it can be difficult to tell whether they...
Beard burn: It’s the bane of those with bearded significant others, especially during the holidays, when mistletoe is hanging around every corner and make out sessions are a-plenty. As every guy knows, even a few days of growth can leave your partner’s face feeling like a freshly-grated...
Parenting a pet, no matter what kind, can be a frustrating and bewildering experience. Animals can’t tell you what they want and need (directly, at least), so we’re here to help you answer any questions you have about your favorite companion — whether they be furry, slimy,...
You didn’t really have to go to the bathroom — that was just an excuse. In reality, you just couldn’t take any more of your family: the nagging from the kids, the stomach-tightening political arguments, the same old stupid stories, and everything else that makes you want...
For some reason, our society values socializing with people who purportedly love us, especially at the holidays. But sometimes the people we love — or moreover, the people they love — can be the absolute worst. And sometimes, the best way to deal with such people (in-laws;...
Every holiday season, there’s an endless stream of unsolicited advice about how to play nice with family you’d otherwise pretend didn’t exist. And while some of it is useful — especially this — I prefer to look to the stars on how best to navigate the Christmas dinner...
You spent last Christmas lodging with family, gobbling their ham and guzzling their beer, so it makes sense that you felt compelled to return the favor this year. Now, these relatives — whether your own or ones you acquired upon marriage — are nice and all, but...
Holiday season, apart from probably being the only time you’ll drink copious amounts of spiked eggnog, is inevitably the time you’ll be forced to hang out with family members you’ve spent the majority of your life trying to avoid. Maybe it’s the uncle who assumes the role...
As someone raised in the South by poor rural farm women, I can’t remember a single situation where I wasn’t warned in advance not to embarrass the heck out of my elders by being an unkempt, ill-mannered garbage child. Every Christmas growing up, my mother forced us...
