My boyfriend’s sporadic sleep schedule means he’ll probably die young of intestinal cancer. His shifts at work begin anywhere from 5:30 in the morning to 10:30 at night, meaning there’s no true pattern to his sleeping hours — or time spent with me. Not to mention, he can’t...
“That’s great work you’re doing there. It really is the most neatly arranged stack of loaves of bread I’ve seen in a long while…” These words have all taken a running cliff-dive out of my mouth, and now I can never get them to go back in....
When scoring a date depends on some photos and a couple hundred characters, those pictures best be flattering. Attempting to take the perfect online dating profile picture can be a bewildering and discouraging experience, though — one that can result in phones being chucked out windows and...
There are a whole bunch of ways you could end up contributing to a mortgage beyond the traditional route of joint homeownership with a spouse. Maybe your partner took care of the down payment, but you’re splitting the monthly mortgage payments. Maybe they’re already partway through paying...
Even if the world ends any day now (like it seems it might), two things will last: Termites and your student loans. Nearly 44.7 million Americans have student loan debt, and some students feel so overwhelmed they’re refusing to pay them back while they pray a new president might eliminate...
“Shut up.” “Please shut up.” “Shut your giant flapping mouth-hole before I blow my brains out all over this restaurant you waste of time and oxygen!” These, of course, are the things you want to say when you’re locked in a seemingly endless conversation with that annoying neighbor, that...
Sex has the potential to be astonishingly dirty, and while I mean that figuratively, I also mean that quite literally. Look, fervently bumping bodies involves producing and swapping a hodgepodge of bodily fluids that inevitably linger around your nethers until the next shower. Which, for many, has...
Most mostly-happy couples can agree that 99 percent of all arguments, frustrations and relationship hardships revolve around where and what you’re going to eat. According to a report in the New York Post, the average American couple spends 132 hours a year deciding what to eat, and “a...
If children had their way, you’d be building blanket forts, scaling trees and playing something called Four Square with them for approximately 14 hours a day. As a grown adult with a desk job, however, it’s so logistically unrealistic that if we gave in, we’d all lose our...
Mistook your monthly magazine for a pack of One Wipe Charlies and flushed it down the toilet? No worries, here’s the online version! In this edition: What Snakes Have Taught Me About Squeezing the Most Out of Life How to Squeeze the Last Out of Summer How...
It’s the most scantily clad time of the year. We’ve got highs of 100 degrees all weekend in the sweltering L.A. suburb I call home. And as the heat increases, people traditionally beat it by opting to wear as little clothing as possible. In my case, that...
Many have discussed at length the reasons men stay eerily quiet during sex (they’re embarrassed and/or deeply repressed) and the reasons why women sound eerily loud during sex (to make you get off faster and/or because they’re taught to be pornily performative). What’s less discussed is why some people...